So I've been kicking around the idea of nursing school. See, in Indiana, to be *legal* to practice, a midwife must first be an RN. It's been that way a long time - despite the fact that active and passionate midwives and their supporters have been telling Indiana legislators for years that non-nurse (or "lay") midwives do just as well. As far as I can tell, there's no proof that being a nurse makes one a better midwife. None.

Sigh.

Yet the world rests in the alleged security of certifications, licenses and letters. Right, letters. You know, like RN, BSN, CNM, ABCDEFG, whatever. So then someone like me, with dreams of inserting fingers to see what a "stretchy" cervix truly feels like for myself, has to face this issue: One, *if* I could find a midwife willing to train me knowing I wouldn't then later be *legal* to practice, would I then be willing to take the risk of practicing in a system hostile to me? (Oh, the stories I've heard of midwives having to practice clandestinely with little or no free access to medications, referral providers or supplies. I feel for them and greatly admire them at the same time.) I think I *would* be willing to take the risk - doing so in faith - but then I'm back to having no real access to full-fledged training and apprenticeship because my CNM friends could be compromised just by hanging out with me, let alone offering me any kind of training.

Argh.

So then one of my midwife friends convinces me that having a nursing degree and license is like a ticket into a wide world of possibilities - midwifery included, obviously. There's the likelihood I'd always have *some* kind of job if I wanted it. There's hospital work, clinic work, home-health work. There's hospice care, which I found myself drawn to as I held my hand over my precious grandma's heart and felt it stop beating last winter. (That's another interesting topic, as a few times a month I - conversely - pinch between my fingers a freshly aired umbilical cord to feel *brand-new* heart beats.)

I spend a few months thinking about it. Nursing. Nursing! What? It's so bizarre, as I studied *journalism* in college, signing up with hungry anticipation for every writing and literature course I could manage. I literally asked my guidance counselor what the minimum requirements were for math and science. "Sign me up for those and let's get them out of the way." I graduated college with something like an A- average. Math and science definitely were the "minus."

And now I've done it. I've gotten the application - with intentions of filling it out - for an 18-month accelerated BSN program. ("Accelerated" means cramming a lot of work into a short time - just my style.) My request for college transcripts is almost in the mail - just need a stamp - and I'm thinking about things like anatomy and physiology and microbiology.

It's a big deal to think about school. I have three small children and homeschool them. I have less than no money to invest in education. For the most part, I hate the hospital and cringe at the thought of what I've heard called "clinicals," where I know I'm likely to curse the whole U.S. health-care system. But ...

Just think. I *could* be a CNM - legal and all - by age 45. I *could* learn the rudiments of basic care to help my children and aging parents. I *could* really feel a stretchy cervix. Ooooh, now that's exciting.